Suzanne: The prettiest view of the city is usually from the castle.
Bob: It's certainly the most defensible position in the city.
Suzanne: Was this the moat?
Bob: Yeah. It smells better now than it would have 500 years ago. It would have been full of stagnant water and refuse.
Bob: If you could get past the moat, you had to get past the ramparts.
Suzanne: What are ramparts? Hey, what are those triangle thingies with moss on them?
Bob: The ramparts. They're cut away like a "V" to give the widest field of fire for the shooter. They could easily target people trying to scale the adjacent walls, for example.
Suzanne: Ooh, the moss is so pretty. And that ivy!
Bob: If you got past those arrows, you'd run down this tunnel into the next courtyard, but they'd pour boiling oil on you through the openings at the top.
Suzanne: You know, they really could have been more welcoming. They're really not very welcoming.
Bob: If you made it through the tunnel and the oil . . .
Suzanne: Ooh, I love these pretty arches and picturesque cobblestones . . .
Bob: . . . there would be more arrows coming at you through the arrow slits in the walls and tower.
Suzanne: LOOK at that tower! That is so gorgeous. It looks like verdigris on top, with all that blue-green. That's just gorgeous.
Suzanne: Yay! The great view!
Suzanne: And look, a Christmas tree! They are welcoming!
Suzanne: Why did they paint red and white stripes on so much of the wood outside?
Bob: Feng shui.
Bob: In 1100 the castle was just a fortification.
Suzanne: I love those mini-cows! Moo!
Bob: Did you know that you moo every time you see a cow?
Suzanne: Do I really?
Bob: And then by 1300 it had grown a bit.
Suzanne: I wonder where the cows went.
Suzanne: This is horse armor, right?
Bob: Yes. It's called barding.
Suzanne: It looks like armor for a pig. That is going to give me nightmares. It reminds me of the ring-wraiths in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Suzanne: Here we have some pretty flower spurs followed by some Mickey Mouse stirrups.
Bob: You could be taking pictures of the cool weapons.
Suzanne: And this is a codpiece with a sad face on it.
Bob: I'd say he's more serious than sad.
Suzanne: And this is "armor," is it not?
Bob: Field plate armor. Each section has a different name.
Suzanne: What's the head part called?
Bob: Seriously?
Suzanne: Yes.
Bob: It's the helmet!
Suzanne: No, wait, let me pick a harder one that normal people wouldn't know. What's the kneecap part called?
Bob: The kneecap part.
Suzanne: I know these. These are gauntlets. With real human skin underneath.
Bob: Those are leather gloves underneath.
Suzanne: It's scarier if I say "real human skin."
Suzanne: I know this one! It's a crossbow. What's it made of?
Bob: Wood.
Suzanne: Some special kind of wood?
Bob: From a tree.
Suzanne: What are these?
Bob: Swords.
Suzanne: But what's the fancy name?
Bob: Those ones on the right end are claymores. The ones on the left are probably broadswords. The one in the middle is probably a bastard sword.
Suzanne: Bob!
Bob: That's what it's called. It's halfway between a broadsword and a claymore.
Suzanne: Ooh, look at the pretty view.
Bob: When they jousted, the lance would rest there in the shoulder brace.
Suzanne: Do you have anything else to say about this armor?
Bob: Most of the armor here is ceremonial.
Suzanne: This is your dream house, isn't it?
Bob: Pretty much.
Suzanne: I thought so.


